Shitting Where You Eat

Dear Husband

I do feel like we will never feel the end of your decision to shit where you eat. You decided to get in to a relationship with someone who is influential in your area at work, a manager in your department, a woman with whom you have to interact. The tentacles of this shitty relationship will impact on us for such a long time. You’re committed to that job for 3 more years. She isn’t going anywhere. So there we have it. 3 more years of your affair in my face every day you’re at work.

Relationships at work rarely end well. I mean fuck, how many relationships have you been in that have ended. ALL OF THEM BEFORE ME. So what made you think that you could a) manage two relationships when you can barely hold one together, and b) be able to end it without huge repercussions for you. I mean the old story about the woman scorned is steeped in misogyny and shit however you were going to have to end it with one of us eventually. Oh shit. I suppose you did and you chose her first. Always her first. You chose to carry on that meal with her and fuck off 5 years of your life because she was easier. My fuck you couldn’t be a bigger fucking moron if you tried.

When experts like Relate talk about affairs at work they talk about how easy it is to be fooled in to a false sense of intimacy with a person you see everyday. Even now you still have that shared bond of work, you still “chat” about work, but it’s not personal conversation so that’s ok right? No problem to invite general work chit chat with her if it’s only about work?

You may as well be saying “well I didn’t sleep with her so what’s the problem”. It’s shades of grey which you just put all the shit together anyway, it makes it black whatever happens.

You don’t get why I’m upset about you being at work with her but reality is she’s made it clear that the door for you is still open. The door for you to go back to her, like you told her you were going to, is completely open to you. You told her right up until the Friday morning, after you ended your relationship with me, that you were going to be with her, you led her to believe that the whole time and then you dropped the bomb on her that you were coming back to me. Did you even realise the fucking position you’ve put yourself in now?

Whatever you do with her, whatever interaction, it’s always going to be a choice between my feelings and her feelings and your job. Me vs Her vs You.

Right now I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose that three way. I have all along.

Even Ashley Fucking Madison got it, their sex therapist talks about how workplace affairs are complicated, monster are blunter with their straightforward don’t have a workplace affair. I mean you’d have to be an idiot right? Bright HR talk about the consequences of workplace affairs more

 

It’s not just the humiliation of her knowing what a disgusting husband you are, but that her friends do as well. You were so fucking blatant when you were staring at her, eating lunch at sat at her desk moaning about me that her friends made jokes about you two being together, and even then, no guilt you thought it was hilarious. jokes right. People think you should be with the woman you’re fucking through your screen behind your wife’s back. Bants.

You’re all repulsive. Sat in your little offices, feeling self important people all together with your secrets laughing about how you should leave your wife for her friend. Slagging off your partners, showing them how you respect them. The women in this situation disgust me more. This is why we are called bitches and whores, because women like this act like them. They live up to every disgusting stereotype. We all know that M is H’s lapdog anyway, she looks up to her and all H does is slag her off anyway and play her hero who “took a chance on her”. She has no respect for her at all yet here she is, M licking H’s arse again.

That throwaway moment to you, is one of the biggest and most hurtful moments to me. You and H brought a third person in to your deceit and your deception and laughed at me. That reduces me to less than human, not even less than your wife. I should have been the person you held in the highest of regard and instead you treated me like less than deserving even basic respect. I believe now with all my heart that that says more about the people that you and her and her were and not me. I have treated all of you with respect even when I’ve been battered with your abuse.

I don’t want to ever lose my humanity. I’ll lose you before I do.