Goodbye Readers

Dear Readers, I started this account a year ago. I never expected it to become what it did and I love the messages I get saying it's helped you that I laid bare the pain that I had. The pain you understood. The pain you felt. Writing over the past year has been a kind…

One Year Ago

Dear Husband, A year ago today I started writing. The devastation of your betrayal weighing heavily on me as my once safe world fell apart around me. I sat in our bed, the same bed upon which I sat as your betrayal became obvious to me, drinking rum from the bottle to try and numb…

I’m sorry I hurt you

Dear Wife. I haven't written a letter to you on the blog since you started it following your discovery of my affair. I've read all of yours. I've read all of the ways in which you understandably and legitimately told me what an unfaithful cunt I am, how much of a liar I am, and…

Hitting Pause

I just wanted to write a quick note to let you know we are hitting the pause button for a minute. Don't worry, our recovery is going great, but we currently are: In full time work which is pressured Part time university degrees which have deadlines working through this trauma with our 12 year old…

Help for the Unfaithful: Coping with shame

I'm just going to say it. Shame is omnipresent in response to and in recovery from infidelity. It's unavoidable. It's unavoidable for the betrayed spouse and it's unavoidable for the unfaithful spouse. Learning. Coping with shame is difficult but it's also transformative. I'd like to share with you I've learned how to improve my coping…

Help for the betrayed: How to help your spouse talk about their affair

"How do I get my partner to talk about their affair?" is one of the most common questions I've read from betrayed spouses on our Instragram page. My wife has certainly banged her head against the wall asking that very question. I'm going to take this opportunity to share some insight on how to help…

Discovery Day: Five Tips To Help You Survive.

Discovery Day. Destruction Day. Devastation day. I've heard it called a lot of things but in short D-Day is the day that the affair comes out in to the open. It can be the first day you find out about the affair for certain, it can also be days when things that you don't know…

Help for the unfaithful: Talking about the affair

I'm an unfaithful spouse. I empathise that talking about your affair is horrendously difficult. However, I also know that talking about the affair has been transformative to my wife and I's recovery. My wife's already written some excellent words about disclosure here (see this link). I believe there's more on the way. I'm going to…

But what if he had a “real affair”?

My husband had an emotional affair. Then I was asked this question. It sparked this post. What if my husband had a "real affair"? Indicating that his emotional affair couldn't possibly be as serious/hurtful/harmful as a physical one. Now this whole blog has been about my husbands emotional affair and the impact it's had on…

Limerence and affairs are a toxic cocktail

Today's post is about limerence and affairs. Like most (if not all) unfaithful spouses, I experienced limerence during my affair. Similarly, I expect most (if not all) unfaithful spouses, like me, experienced limerence during the end of our affair. Let me assure you: limerence and affairs are a toxic cocktail and they will harm your recovery.…